Secrets Read online

  “Is that burgers I smell? God, it smells sooooo good!”

  “Yes, I stopped and got Freddy’s. I figured the greasy food might help everyone feel a little better.” He gives me a shy smile. Oh my, Tate Masterson bashful and shy?! Where did the stubborn alpha go that I’m used to seeing?

  “That sounds wonderful, Tate, thanks for being so thoughtful.” I go up on my tippy toes and give him a quick chaste kiss on the lips. I get rewarded with his beautiful smile afterwards. London and Cameron shower together, that’s an experience alone, with all the noise he has her making in there. That bitch is totally cleaning my shower before she goes back home. It definitely sounds like Cam knows what he’s doing in there. She walks out in a black bikini, full of cheesy smiles.

  “Okay can we please go now? Everyone’s had plenty of time to get ready. Hey, where’s Nikoli?” I ask, scanning the apartment.

  “He’s checking out all the stuff on the boat. I told him to make sure we had plenty of life jackets, towels, that kind of stuff,” Tate says and gestures toward the window that faces the parking lot.

  “Awesome! Thank you so much for getting your boat, Tate, you’ve made me even more excited than I already was! Which lake are we going to, anyhow?” I want him to know I appreciate everything he’s done and I’m really excited about it.

  “We, my little lamb, are going to Tellico Lake. It’s about thirty miles southwest from here. There’s a retirement community, a private gated community and lots of loading docks available. My parents actually have a house on one of the hills, I’ll show it to you when we pass by it in the boat. There are also lots of restaurants and a Calhoun’s really close we can eat at when we dock, if you want. You should have fun.” He has definitely put some thought into this and planned an outing that sounds like so much fun. I swear he just made me swoon. I love a man who can take something I enjoy and plan a fun day of it, and he also looks excited to experience it with me. He looks fantastic in black board shorts with little white skulls in a line down each leg. He has on a white tank top with a little black Hollister logo on the left side and black leather flip flops. Ultimate beach boy but still looks manly. I can’t wait to see that shirt come off again. I hope I get to rub sunscreen all over that sexy-ass body.

  “You look really good in your boat clothes. I like that I can see your tattoos displayed, they are so sexy!”

  “Sexy, hmm? No, Красота, you look sexy. I would love to kiss your neck all over and untie that top with my teeth. I bet you taste delicious. Let’s get going before I push you too far.” I gape at what he says. I was not expecting to hear him talk like that at all. Now that’s all I can picture: His teeth on my top and his teeth and tongue on my nipples, sucking, swirling and biting. That sounded so erotic and has me turned on. I squeeze my legs together for a minute and imagine what it would be like to have him there. We all file out of the apartment building to find Tate has a huge teal boat hooked up to his Tahoe in the parking lot. I get so excited when I see it, it’s super nice!

  “Ayyyyyy!” Nikoli hollers ‘Hey’ at us but it comes out sounding kind of like ‘A’. He’s standing in the middle of the boat with a straw cowboy hat that has a big blue band around it advertising a brand of vodka. Leave it to the Russian to be advertising vodka. He’s missing a shirt and has on some neon green and black board shorts. He looks like his body was made specifically to be without a shirt on.

  “Nice! We are going to have a boat full of hot chicks! Hey, girls! Sun’s out, gun’s out!” He smiles huge at us and flexes his arms. We all burst out laughing. He has such a great, friendly personality you almost have to like him. He jumps off the boat and gives me a mini heart attack, he’s up so high. He walks straight to Avery, kisses her hard and then picks her up and twirls her in circles while she screams. She might be yelling and complaining, but I know she loves it.

  We start our drive to the lake, with me riding up front again. Go figure. Tate sure is stubborn. I remember how excited he got when I asked about his car, so I’m going to ask him about his boat.

  “Your boat is stunning! What kind is it?” He smiles a small smile at me then turns back to watch as he drives.

  “Thanks, babe. It’s a Chris Craft Corsair 36 Cruiser. Are you familiar with boats?” The boat is huge enough to fit probably ten people up top. I had to get a tour before we loaded into the truck. It has all wood grain detail and a cabin. The cabin has a table that converts to a queen size bed, a small kitchen counter with water faucet and fridge. It even has a bathroom with a shower, sink and toilet. The boat itself is a rich teal color but the inside is all creams and grey leather.

  “Nope, we usually would just swim at a little lake with friends at Travis County. Not much boating experience so I’m extra excited today!”

  “Where was this? What’s Travis County?” He looks intrigued. Shit, I should have kept my mouth shut. I don’t want to talk about home.

  “Oh, umm, just a place near where I used to live,” I answer vaguely and hope he drops it.

  “And where exactly did you used to live, Красота? You haven’t told me much about where you came from and your friends there. I’m sure you must miss it, I know I miss my home.” It’s Tate though so of course he asks me more questions.

  “I just, umm, lived by a city called Austin, but in a smaller town, in Texas. Same as London and the only other people I really speak to there are London’s family. She has a brother who takes care of my granddaddy’s land for me. Where is it you’re from? I’m assuming Russia?”

  “Yes, I am from the neighborhood Andel, Prague, but stayed a lot in Moscow. Your family has land in Texas? I would love to see the state you came from. Would you want to visit? We could make a road trip or I could fly us?” I feel myself pale at his words. There is absolutely no way I can go back there right now, if ever. I have been having crazy paranoid feelings already and then London showed up. I’m definitely going to find out what’s going on with her today, why she decided to visit. I know she’s procrastinating but if the monster is out then I have to do everything I can to prepare and to hide. Maybe even take off running again if I have to.

  “That’s so sweet of you, Tate, but I have no reason to visit, maybe someday though.” I close the conversation and try not to think of my past that is always haunting me. We arrive at the lake and Tate takes his shirt off before preparing the boat for launching. He looks magnificent with his shirt off and I feel like I may be drooling at this point.

  “Hey, girly, shut your mouth.” Avery comes up beside me and starts laughing at me when she sees my expression, staring at Tate.

  “Ha, yeah, no kidding! Thanks for stating the obvious, chickadee!” I say as sarcastically as possible and roll my eyes at her.

  “I can’t help it, that man is unbelievable.” His nipple rings glint in the sunshine and he has gorgeous eyes that I know are sparkling, hidden behind his shades. Tate’s body is lickable. He has cuts and dips all over like he has spent serious time on some gym equipment. He almost looks like he could be a brawler when he has one of his broody expressions on. I wonder if he was a troublemaker as a kid. I bet he was a handful with his stubbornness. He has a light tan going on. Nothing too dark, but it is noticeable especially since Tate is Russian. Nikoli for example is very white; I bet that man burns his tush off today. Back to Tate, I’m going to have to study his tattoos later and find out what they all are. I’ve had so many chances but I kind of go brain dead when I’m around him. Whatever they are, they are awesome. It looks like some Russian writing on his arm with swirls and shading, some bionic looking gears on his left pec, maybe the Russian flag on his other arm? I don’t know, it’s all together in sleeves so it’s really hard to pick it all apart when I’m not right next to him. I’m watching him on the boat as he turns around. Oh My God. He has a tattoo spanning his whole back; wow that looks like it was painful. It’s beautiful, like a painting on skin.

  “Hey, hot stuff, what’s the tatt on your back?” I holler up at him from the dock.r />
  “Huh? Oh, my back? It’s Ares, God of War,” he says and smiles big enough I see his bright white teeth.

  Holy fuck, he’s hot. God of War? Yeah, I can see Tate causing a whole bunch of chaos. We spend the day sun bathing, swimming, boating and just being goofy. Afterwards we take London to Calhoun’s so she can check out the deck and have some yummy food. There are lots of shots passed around, but none of us get hammered again. I am definitely exhausted after today. I had so much fun and really hope we get to spend another day like this soon. Tate was so thoughtful; he kept coming and rubbing sunscreen on me every hour and kept offering me drinks. He even stopped at the marina to run in and buy me a twelve-pack of sodas and M&M’s. He basically doted on me all day and I feel very cherished.

  I’ve never really had that before when dating a man. I met the monster when I was sixteen and he was seventeen. I thought he was everything and continued to think that for a few years. The changes in him started to show after a while though. I don’t know if they were changes or if he had been good at hiding from everyone and had been that way his whole life. I like to refer to him as ‘The Monster’ rather than his name, because that’s exactly what he is – a fucking monster.

  After such an awesome day and a great dinner we make our way back to my apartment. Avery is staying with London and I for the whole weekend so the three of us unload and grab up all our stuff. Avery and Nikoli look like they might suck each other’s faces off when they say goodbye and London looks kind of bashfully at Cam. I wonder what that shit’s all about? My London never acts like that around a guy, she’s always calling the shots and I mean always. Tate comes to me and pulls me into his arms in a warm, tight embrace. Even after being in the sun and water all day, Tate still smells delicious. His face and body have a nice tan going on and his nose looks as if it got kissed by the sun a little too much. We had slowly gravitated toward each other all day and spent a lot more time getting to know each other.

  “Goodnight my маленькая красавица, I will see you tomorrow?” His lips graze my cheek softly as he says this. I love hearing him speak Russian, it’s a total aphrodisiac.

  “Yes, you can see me tomorrow, as long as I can bring the girls. What was that you just said? It sounded so sexy; I love when you speak Russian to me.” I look up into his eyes and our lips are aligned but he’s much taller than me, so they don’t touch.

  “I called you my little beauty: маленькая красавица.” I smile big at him because he is turning out to be pretty perfect.

  “Oh, before I forget again, thank you for the flower this morning, it is beautiful!” I squeeze him to me as I say this.

  “You’re welcome, little lamb; I think someone dropped it in the hall this morning so I thought you might enjoy it.” He dips his head toward mine and places his lips on mine before I can respond. Tate takes his time and kisses me slowly, softly and deeply. I feel like I am tasting him for the first time, like he is showing me a piece of himself. I wrap my hands around his sexy waist and pull him closer to me. He has my face cradled in between his hands as he controls our kiss. When he pulls back, I suck on his bottom lip and it makes him groan. He presses a chaste kiss to my forehead and gives me a little smack on the ass as he starts to walk to his truck.

  “Night, girls, keep an eye on my Красота for me!” he says loudly as he walks around the truck. He hops in the driver’s side and pulls out of the parking lot. As they start to drive away, Nikoli leans out his window and wolf whistles at us. I start laughing, he is so silly. We all wave and head inside.

  Chapter 7

  The girls are talking a mile a minute when we get to the apartment. I open the door and gasp loudly. Every surface in the apartment is covered in white rose petals. The smell. The smell hits me and I gag. I knew my life was too good to be true today. The apartment smells strongly of the monsters body spray I used to love him wearing. I feel a hot tear run down my cheek but I’m unable to speak, it’s like I blank out. I look over at London and see’s she’s gone ashy and has tears streaming down her face. She knows what this is, she knows what this means. She knew. She had to. This means he is here. This means he has found me.

  I whisper, “You knew...” Avery looks really confused but comes up and hugs me.

  “What’s going on, girl, what’s with the flowers and why are you guys so upset?” She looks confused. She may be my friend, but this is no one’s business. She needs to go home where it’s safe for her.

  “It’s nothing, Avery.” I try to avoid her question.

  “Bullshit! It’s not nothing! It’s everything! You can’t keep dealing with this alone, you can’t keep hiding from this. Tell her or I will, people need to know.” I glare at London as she yells this in my face; she knows this is my fucking secret. No one needs to know what I went through, what I continue to go through. He doesn’t deserve to be talked about or cried over. I look at Avery and nod my head. Fine, they want to hear some of the details of how fucked up I let my life get, fine.

  “Fuck it, fine. But don’t you dare fucking cry. He doesn’t deserve the tears; he doesn’t even deserve my words.” I walk to my bedroom and get my pistol. I’ll be damned if he does that to me again.

  “I’m not telling her everything. I can’t deal with talking about it all. I’ll tell you a few highlights about the monster, Avery. First off, this is the monster’s work, we don’t say his name; he doesn’t get that privilege.” I look from London’s grief-stricken face to Avery’s curious but cautious one.

  Emily – Two years ago

  I still can’t believe I’m pregnant. I’m going to be a mommy! I can’t wait to tell London all about this. Maybe this is exactly what Jeremy needs to start treating me better, like he used to. This could be exactly what we need and it’s all because of you, M. I’m going to call you M, because you are my tiny miracle. I promise I’m going to be the best momma ever. Let’s see, Jeremy will be home in about two hours. I’m going to shower and get all freshened up. After I’m done, I’ll cook a nice dinner. I hope he didn’t get upset at work today. I know the factory stresses him out. Maybe now he will see it’s good I take all those college courses online. I’ll be able to get a job after the baby’s born and he will have less stress to deal with. Yes, everything will be fine. He will stop being so mean to me all of the time. He’s even started slapping me a couple times. Now that I’m pregnant though I know he will stop. It’s not good for our little M. He will be so happy to have someone else to love him and show him attention. I’ll call London with the good news after I let Jeremy know. I stuff my cheap phone into my back jeans pocket.

  I pull the chicken out of the oven and set it on our little table I have set up for us. I can hear Jeremy’s truck pull up and I’m actually excited for him to be home. Lately I have been dreading it, but today is a joyful day. The front door slams open and it makes my heart speed up. I’ve developed a little bit of anxiety. The doctor calls them mini panic attacks, but that can’t be right because I have no real reason to be stressed. I have flutters in my belly when he steps inside. Not butterflies, but I almost feel as if I want to puke. It’s probably the baby. Oh no, I forgot about the morning sickness. I hope it’s after Jeremy goes to work, because he won’t like it cutting into his time. I smile, it may look a little fake but hopefully he will be too distracted with dinner on the table to notice. He looks grouchy and worn out. He has long black hair that tucks behind his ears, and grey eyes. Girls in high school thought he was hot but Jeremy’s very shy. I was one of the only girls to talk to him regularly, so he asked me to be his girlfriend after a while. Jeremy is built like a swimmer; he has a long but muscular body. He’s always dressed in a pair of jeans and plain t-shirt. I have always thought he looks like a musician. He looks like he could be some depressed rock singer on stage.

  I look into his eyes and smile for real this time, because I’m excited to tell him our news. I know it will cheer him up.

  “You cooked Ritz Chicken?”

&n
bsp; “Yes, Jeremy, I know it’s one of your favorites.”

  “And it’s done when I get home? Maybe you’re finally learning, babe, but where’s my tea? Got to put some more effort into it, Emily.”

  “Right, sorry. I’ll get it. I have some great news to share with you.”

  “Oh yeah? Tell me this great news you have.” He says it sarcastically but I’m not going to let it dampen my spirits. Today is about M and our future.

  “I went to Dr. Anderson’s today.”

  “How did you get there?” he asks as he sits at our ugly little table and begins to cut into his chicken.

  “Oh, I took a cab, I was unwell.” I give him my most innocent look, hoping he won’t get angry.

  “Great, Emily. You’re wasting more money, just like those bullshit college courses.” He shakes his head at me as if he’s disappointed and I cringe. Suddenly he slams his hand down on the table and the glass holding my milk shatters and milk spills all over the table. Oh no. Where’s a towel so I can hurry and clean this up? Jeremy hates messes and I need to get it cleaned up as fast as possible.

  “Dr. Anderson did a test and found out I’m pregnant, I’m about six weeks she thinks.” I smile, because this is it, I know he will jump up and hug me.

  “What did you just say?” Oh shit, he doesn’t look too excited. Fuck! This was supposed to go a whole lot better than this.

  “I said I’m pregnant, isn’t that wonderful?” He jumps up and stuff goes flying off the table when he hits it getting up. I jump up at the crash and immediately attempt to hide my face with my hands. He storms toward me and punches me straight in the face. He hits me so hard I fall. On my way down I hit my head on the wall next to the kitchen table.

  I must have blacked out. I wake to Jeremy screaming, “You will not be some filthy, fucking, pregnant teenage slut in this house. You think I’ll let everyone talk about me and my knocked up whore of a girlfriend.” He repeatedly kicks me in my stomach. My head is pounding and I’m in pain like I’ve never experienced before. My body is screaming in pain at me, it hurts so bad I start to puke everywhere and I pee my pants. I can’t help it, I wrap my hands around my stomach as much as I can and he starts laughing maniacally.